Shrinks
by runwitskizzers
Summary: Sasuke just sighed, resigning himself to the fate of having the worst day ever. [SasuSaku] [AU]
1. Chapter 1

"YOU BASTARD!!!" Uchiha Sasuke tensed his shoulders and mentally forced his legs to move faster so he could get the hell away from the idiot who hailed him from two blocks away. Maybe if he was lucky, just maybe, he could make it to his appointment without actually having to- "WAIT FOR ME!!" Oh no, the voice was getting closer. This did not at all bode well for – oh look, he was on the ground.

"Naruto, get off." What would his mother (may she rest in peace) say if she saw her youngest this way? Face down on the pavement, a blond-haired buffoon making himself at home on his oh-so-aching back. … Okay, honestly, she'd probably chuckle. But then, _then_ she would make his asshole best-friend/ tag-a-long get off of him.

"This wouldn't happen if you would wait for me once in a while." Naruto sighed as he dusted his knees off, as if he'd gotten _so_ dirty by tackling his friend and shoving his face into asphalt. Oh right, Sasuke looked down at his own shirt and sure enough,

"Great. You ruined my shirt. Now I have to go change before I can go meet up with that stupid shrink." He turned around and started making the trek back to his house, which (typically) was way on the other side of town. Before he could walk more than two steps however, the idiot was back in his path. "… I hate you."

"Oh c'_mon_, I have a shirt you can borrow." Something told Sasuke that he should say no, that he should just suck it up and walk the extra fifteen minutes back to his house and be an hour late for his appointment, he could just lie and say that he got the timings wrong… but no, he made the mistake of not listening to that tiny voice in the back of his head.

…

Which is why he was currently sitting in the waiting room for the aforementioned 'stupid shrink' staving off the ludicrous stares of his fellow crazies. It made sense that the only spare shirt Naruto carried around would be a disgustingly _orange_ teeshirt with the words 'Ramen or Bust' scripted out in oh-so-subtle block red letters across the front.

"… Sooo… you like ramen?" See, this is why the shirt was bad. Bright colors make people think you're friendly. He was _not_ friendly.

"No."

"But your shirt says you like ramen."

"Well, I don't." He grit his teeth and made sure not to look at the speaker and accidentally give this moron the slightest hint that he wanted to continue the conversation.

"… So you're here because you're a pathological liar?"

"No." Why wasn't the receptionist calling his name, it'd already been ten minutes since his appointment was supposed to have started! Why were they wasting his time? He didn't even want to be here.

"Are you gay?" He couldn't help himself and he almost snapped his neck in half in turning to look at the person he had just internally vowed to kill. Unfortunately, he was caught off guard by her pink hair and big, stupid, green eyes. "… Are you?"

"No." He gave himself a mental slap to the face and managed to stay in his too-cool-for-school persona. "Leave me alone."

"I was just trying to make conversation. Jeez. Maybe you shouldn't wear colors that attract the eye if you aren't going to put out. Conversationally speaking, of course." He could have let this end here, however, that little voice that he'd been ignoring all day hadn't actually gotten any louder.

"Why would you ask me if I was gay?" She rolled those big, stupid eyes of hers at him and muttered something about idiot insecure men, "I'm not insecure. Just curious."

"I just wanted to get your attention. You were being rude." Well good, because now he was doubting his appearance. Glad that she could make him insecure just by wanting to get his bloody attention. God. He hated crazies. "Sorry if it's getting to you … if you really want to know, I never would honestly think you were gay. Really. I wouldn't." She looked down at her hands and mumbled the last bit, he wasn't entirely sure what it was, but he wanted to hear it.

"What did you say?" She sighed in response to his query, much too loudly to be a real sigh of course.

"I _said_, that if you were gay, I'd probably cry because you were much too pretty."

"If you ever call me pretty again-"

"Uchiha Sasuke, the doctor will see you now." He continued as if he hadn't been interrupted.

"I'll kill you." He got up and walked away, not bothering to look back when he heard,

"So _that's_ why he's here." Interestingly enough, she didn't sound scared.

…

"Sasuke, why don't we talk about school?" He wished he could just curl his fingers into a fist and lay into the man sitting complacently across from him.

"Fine." Unfortunately, he had to cooperate with the state in regards to his counseling so that he could continue to live alone in his family's home. Otherwise he'd be sent to foster care, and he knew as well as anybody that nobody wanted a 17-year-old orphan. All the fun bits were over already.

"How are classes?"

"Delightful."

"Any extra-curricular activities this semester?"

"No." The nameless Doctor's fingers were tapping incessantly against the wood of his desk. He was annoying the psychiatrist, he could tell. But for the love of God they went over this every two weeks. Maybe he should throw him a bone, "I was … thinking about maybe joining a club. For my resume. The guidance counselor told us that colleges look for well-rounded individuals."

"Oh well that sounds fantastic! What are you thinking about joining, Sasuke?" Considering he'd really only entertained the idea, nothing. Damn.

"Chess club." What?

"What?" This is what happened when he threw the guy a bone. He forced himself into corners. Shit. Fuck. Ass.

"Is our time up yet?"

"Oh, why look, yes it is. I think joining a club will be good for you, Sasuke. I think you should start to mix with your classmates more, maybe find a few other friends outside of that blonde boy. You've got such potential, and intelligence. Maybe you can meet some people more your… speed in this chess club. Let me know how it is, alright?"

"Hn." He stood up ready to make for the door,

"Okay then, Sasuke, I'll see you in two weeks."

"Bye." Shutting the door behind him, he let out a breath of frustration. Only one more year. That's all. Then he could end this and be on his way. Walking back through the office he couldn't help but noticed the irritating girl with the bad dye job still sitting in the chair he'd left her in. She stood up when she saw him looking at her.

"Oi, so you're finished then."

"Why are you standing up?"

"Let's go." And she latched onto his hand and pulled him out the door. Like they were _friends_ or something.

"_What_ are you doing?" He tried wrenching his hand from hers but, apparently, those broomstick arms of hers were misleading. She had the grip of a bloody pair of pincers. It was unearthly. "Hey, let go of me!" But she paid no heed to his words and instead continued to pull him along, down the stairs and out of the office building that housed the bloody psychiatrist. Whom, of course, he blamed for this particular happening.

A/N: So this is just something I wrote ages ago, and haven't put up because as most of you should realize, I haven't had any internet for the past month or so… yes, please, feel bad for me. It … _sucks_.

But enough of me complaining.

Let me begin again, _ahem_. This is just something I wrote ages ago, figured I'd put it up, see what you kids thought of it. If you like it, I'll continue, if not, it's scrapped. Good, yes?

Okie. Review pleeeeeeeeease. They're the only things I can read while I'm at work, so you tooootally gotta fill up my inbox, yo.


	2. Chapter 2

"Here we are!" Sasuke didn't even bother to look around. Instead, he wrenched his hand away from her hissed,

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you?!" He was _seething_.

"You look like you needed to have some fun… so… here we are!" She threw her arms in the air and whooped. The girl was a fucking lunatic – but then he heard other whoops… from other people. He finally made the effort to turn around and look at where she'd brought him.

"… Fun Land?" He muttered in complete disbelief. Of all the… this was… he was so upset, he was sputtering. _In his head_.

"No… not 'Fun Land?'… It's FUN LAND!!!!" And with that she pulled him through the gates. At some point, he'd heard himself start screaming,

"I DON'T EVEN LIKE FUN!!!" He finally dug his heels into the ground and stopped dead. She, of course, kept going. It wasn't until after the sickening sound of his shoulder almost breaking that she seemed to realize he wasn't moving.

"What are you doing?"

"What am _I_ doing? What am _I_ _doing_?! What are _you _doing you – you – you NUTJOB!" And then said Nutjob had the audacity to snicker at him. So he glared at Nutjob and hoped that Nutjob would magically catch on fire and die. Slowly. And painfully.

"Stop laughing." And she wouldn't. The idiot _would_ _not_!

"Wh-who uses the word 'nutjob'???" She finally managed to gasp out. Sasuke officially hated her. Nothing could make this day go any wor –

"Hey!" No… strike that. "Sasuke!" The girl looked at him curiously.

"You have… friends?"

"No. Let go of me. I have to go." He tried to twist his fingers out of her grip. Unfortunately, he failed. At life.

"Oi! Sasuke!" Crap, the voice was getting closer.

"That blond person certainly thinks that he's your friend."

"He's not." Then a hand landed on his shoulder and so help him God, _two_ idiots were touching him.

"Sasuke! I guess you didn't hear me calling you."

"I did. I chose to ignore it. Leave me–"

"Woah, who is she?" Naruto had left Sasuke and was now an inch away from the pink hair's face. "Are you on a date?! Sorry! I mean, not sorry 'cause she's hot, but – didn't mean to inter–"

"I'm not on a–"

"I'm Sakura." And that girl, that _Sakura_, stuck out her other hand to shake Naruto's, "Any friend of Sasuke's is a friend of mine."

"YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND!" He couldn't help it, he exploded. This was beyond ridiculous. "And this is all your fault, idiot." He turned his glare on Naruto this time, "You and your stupid shirt."

"Hey!" They yelled this together.

"I'm leaving." He said this with complete certainty and nothing in the world could–

"Sasuke!" This was _un_believable! "Naruto!"

"Oh no…" Naruto groaned.

"What's wrong?" Sakura looked at him questioningly, Sasuke just sighed, resigning himself to the fate of having the worst day ever.

"It's our _teacher_, from _school_." The idiot replied. As if they would have a teacher from anywhere else. Che. Why, _why_ did he never listen to his instincts? Maybe he was actually the idiot and Naruto was… no, no that could not be it. He would kill himself before ever finishing that thought. Slowly, he turned around to face the man who hailed them.

"Wow, that's your teacher?" Sakura was gazing at him with … were those… _stars_ in her eyes? Was she on LSD?

"Hi." He and Naruto were of one mind on this one… nothing could be good when Hatake Kakashi casually strolled up to them to say hello. It _never_ ended well. Ever.

"Boys. What brings you here?" The man was so nonchalant, it was almost obscene. Sasuke knew better than to answer. Naruto, however…

"Um… fun?"

"No! FUN!!!!!!!" Three heads swiveled to stare at her, and she flung two hands to her mouth and at least at the decency to look embarrassed. Maybe that's why _she_ was in the shrink's office… she just couldn't help but give into impulse… maybe she _was_ on LSD.

"Ah, Haruno Sakura, it's a pleasure to meet you, again." This time, there were no stars, but questioning circles in their stead.

"How'd you know her name, Kakashi-sensei? Huh? Huh???" Kakashi merely grinned and shook his head,

"Ah, ah, ah Naruto, a magician never reveals his secrets."

"You're not a magician." Sasuke couldn't help himself, he kind of (sort of, but not really) wanted to know how Kakashi knew the crazy girl who tried to break his arm.

"Ka-ka-shee?" Sakura was repeating the name to herself and staring up at the sky tapping her chin. "Ka-ka-sheeeeeee? Hmmm…" Now she'd settled down on her heels still tapping her stupid chin. What was this girl? A savage? Typical. Of course he'd get stuck with a nutjob savage. Maybe if he was real quiet, he could just sneak away right now… they were all preoccupied with _how_ Kakashi knew the girl, and now that he really thought about it… who cared?? Ideally, he'd never see her again! He'd switch his shrink-day, he'd never go into that part of town on any other day … and he'd certainly _never_, _ever_, _ever_ come back to Fun Town. He was definitely home-free. Too bad he couldn't blockout her voice, too. It was cutting into his consciousness.

"Hey! Now I remember! You used to work at that place, a- something, with oh! That, who was it, Eetahchee? – Hey ow! Sasuke-kun! Let go of me!"

"How do you know _him_?" He knew he was probably scaring her, and hurting her arm… but how the _hell_ did she know the one man whom he hated with all that was left of his little old heart?

"Sasuke-kun! Let GO OF ME!!!" And then she shoved him, and he went flying.

"… You just pushed the bastard down… a _girl_ just pushed the bastard down." God damn it. Naruto had seen it all. "Kakashi-sensei!!! Did you see that??? Sasuke got beat up by a girl!!!" He had to put a stop to this before that blond haired buffoon spread it all over school. So, he (oh-so-casually) tackled him to the ground and pulled his arm up and back. One false move and _crack_. "OW! What the fu-"

"Ah ah ah, Naruto, language in front of the lady." Said 'lady' was looking on the scene with something akin to … excitement in her eyes. This girl was completely –

"Stop looking at me like I'm insane, Sasuke-kun. You're the pathological liar with homicidal/violent tendencies about to break his best-friend's shoulder." … Ouch. "Of course, that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on our friendship!"

"… Another fine predicament…" He mumbled to himself, getting up from Naruto's back (all the while making sure to dig his knee in a little harder than was strictly necessary).

"So how come you know who Sasuke's brother is, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked when he could finally breathe and stand again. Oh right, his psycho-ex-favorite-brother, that was what started this whole mess. (And by 'mess' he meant his life post-parental-mortem, of course).

"Who?" She turned her questioning green (so, so green) eyes on him.

"No one." Fuck it, he didn't care. His brother was locked away where he deserved to be, and Sasuke didn't need to waste his time worrying why some punk girl had met his brother once. So, that was that. He shoved past her and his supposed best-friend, leaving his teacher in the dust, and made for home. This was the most ridiculous day of his life, and he wanted nothing more than to walk away and never return to anything like it.

* * *

A/N: … Please don't hate me. I mean, I wanted to update sooner, I _did_! But well, school + full time job does not lend itself to the creative aspects of my life. 

On the upside… I'm really cute. .

So, I'll not leave you with excuses (ahem, see aforementioned school + work) but rather, something a little more classy.

Me. Begging for reviews (that I might not deserve for the disgusting amount of time I've spent not updating, but want anyway).

So please tell me if this is lame?

Sainkyuuuuu!


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